See Inside Mind Wiping
From Suicidal to Radiant
Pages 15 - 21
The call came into the office a few seconds after I turned the key. I had twenty minutes to ready the office for my first client, so I debated answering it. My conscience won out: I picked up the receiver.
"Don't worry, she's out of danger now," were the first words I heard from my ex-husband of 13 years. "Jessica's in the hospital. She took an overdose."
"What! Oh my God, no!" Jessica is my baby, even at 23. She's the type of person who is always there for others; the thoughtful, gentle one.
"What happened?" Last I knew, she was happily married, living over a thousand miles away in Southern California with her new husband. Three years ago, I flew in for her wedding. Tall, slim, eyes sparkling, she was every parent's vision of their daughter as a bride. The last we saw of each other was at the wedding.
"Ron brought her in last night. He says the doctors think she just got her prescriptions mixed up."
"Where is she now?"
"She's in the hospital."
"Why didn't you call me last night?" Silence. "Are you there with her?"
"Yes." Since he answered, yet hadn't answered my first question, I could tell that he was lying about something.
"Are you in the room with her? Is she conscious?"
"Yes, but she's sleepy."
"Let me talk to her."
"Hi mummy," she sounded weary.
"Good morning, sweetheart. You sound tired. Do you feel like talking? I can call back later if you want."
"No, no. I'm alright."
"Do you feel like telling me what happened?"
"Dad's leaving. Let me say good-bye, then we can talk."
"While you are saying good-bye, is it alright with you that I put you on hold while I see if I can delay my appointment? She lives near here. I think I can get her before she leaves."
~ ~ ~
"Okay, I'm back. Jessica, tell me what happened." And, she did. It was not an accidental overdose.
"What's been going on? I thought you were happy."
"Things haven't been right between us for a while, now it's snowballing."
"Start from the beginning," I said gently.
"We got in an argument over money. We're both working but we'd been living on my barely, minimum wage income. He'd not been getting paid."
"Why wasn't he getting paid?"
"His boss kept putting him off, saying they're not making enough yet. His boss was an independent contractor for computer installation and repairs. It'd been six months since he'd really been paid. The boss 'nickle and dime'd' him. I told him you need to either tell your boss you need to be paid or you need to get another job. He yelled back at me that I hadn't gotten the raise that I was promised two months earlier. Mom, he knew the paperwork had been lost and the raise was only delayed. I brushed past him to get out of the kitchen. He grabbed my shoulders and threw me down, then kicked me in the stomach and stormed out."
"Jessica, isn't he 6'4" to your 5'4"?"
"Yes." I could hear the fear in her voice as she relived it. "I ran to the bedroom tried to lock the door. It wouldn't lock. I hid in the walk-in closet behind the clothes. I don't remember how much time passed. I couldn't think. I remember shaking."
"You were probably in shock."
"I was terrified. He found me in closet and apologized over and over. 'I'll never do it again. I can't figure out why I did it in the first place. I promise, I'll never hurt you again.' He picked me up. All the while holding me, he apologized saying he'd never hit me again. I told him if he ever did it again, I'd leave him."
"Good for you!"
~ ~ ~
"The nightmares started that night. I woke up shaking and crying. At first Ron comforted me. After a few nights of broken sleep, he said I was just trying to make him feel guilty. By the way, Ron did finally get paid some of what he was owed."
"How did that happen?"
"They were working out of the contractor's garage. Around Christmas time, Ron walked into the house to use the toilet. He'd never been inside before that day. What he saw made him mad. The more he thought of it the madder he got. He saw a mound of Christmas presents surrounding their 8 foot tall Christmas tree and a new big screen TV wrapped in a red ribbon.
"We couldn't even afford a tree, let alone presents. He figured out why he was not getting a pay check. He gave the guy an ultimatum and got a big check. Not all of it, but more then we'd had since we'd been married. There for a while he got paid regularly, but the guy still owed him several thousand dollars.
"Eventually he quit and started working for someone else. The contractor filed for bankruptcy and put Ron as one of the debts."
"I'll bet Ron got mad again."
"Did he ever. Then I totaled the car about a week ago. He got mad again."
"Whoa, back up. What happened? You were in a wreck?"
"I unknowingly made an illegal left hand turn. I just didn't see the other car."
"Were you hurt?"
"I was shaken and badly bruised down the entire left side of my body. I couldn't move my left arm. The police called an ambulance and the hospital called Ron. I didn't break anything, but they put my shoulder and arm in a sling.
"Ron came to pick me up. Once out of the hearing of the nurses, he started in on me, 'Idiot, how could you be so dumb? I can't believe you did this. How could you be so dumb? What an idiot. I can't believe you did this….' over and over like a broken record.
~ ~ ~
"We got home and Red, a neighbor and one of Ron's drinking buddies, saw that Ron was about to blow. He suggested we all go to "The Bar Down the Road". If we got a drink we'd settle down. And, yes before you ask, that really is the name of the bar.
"The three of us were sitting at a table and Red would not shut up. ‘Boy you guys are really screwed on your insurance now.' He kept going on and one about how screwed we were, until Ron got angry all over again.
"Evidently Ron didn't want Red or anyone else to see what he was doing. Under the table he balled up his fist and pounded my bruised leg."
"Without saying a word, I got up and walked out. I told him before what would happen if he ever hit me again. I started walking home. He came after me and apologized over and over again. ‘I lost my temper. I'm sorry. I won't do it again.'
"We went home. I was hurting and having to deal with an apologetic Ron. I took some of the pain pills from the hospital and went to sleep. I think I was still in shock from the accident because, about a week later, I starting thinking about where we were headed if I stayed. I decided to leave him because one day his temper could cripple or kill me and I was tired of being afraid. I drove over to dad's in the truck.
"I told dad about our fight, how Ron had grabbed my shoulders, thrown me to the floor and kicked me in the stomach. And, that he apologized afterwards."
"Dad said, ‘Good, because I'd hate to see you two break up over money. He probably learned his lesson about his temper. I'm sure he won't do it again.'
"Well, he just did it again. This is the second time he used me as a punching bag for his anger. Dad said I could sleep on his couch for a while."
"You did the right thing."
"I know but it was so hard. When I finally did decide, I didn't plan it very well. I didn't have anything to wear to work."
"You planned very well. You got out. Things can always be replaced. You can't."
"Thanks, mom. What I did next was ask dad to go back to the house with me to collect some of my things. Ron was there. I told him I was going to stay with dad for a few days. He was furious that dad knew what had happened. ‘How could you embarrass me this way?' He actually hissed like a snake as I passed him.
~ ~ ~
"Last night, I told dad that I didn't think I could go on; that I needed to kill myself and just end it all.
"‘No you won't,' he said, then immediately added, ‘Have I ever told you about what I did in the military?' He jumped right into this story about parachuting into Red China at night, during a gale. I listened with half an ear, letting his talk wash over me. I could not figure out why he was telling me all that."
"He probably told you because what you said reminded him of a time he was in great danger to the point he might have lost his life. I've known for years that he's afraid of dying."
"You're probably right. He told me that he was there to get information from a French minister. The minister gave him a warm beer. ‘Oh, I forgot,' he said, ‘you Americans like it cold.' He left the room and came back with several ice-cubes which he put in the beer. ‘There, better now,' he said as he settled onto the only other stool in the room. ‘To be polite, I had to drink it. He hadn't given me the information yet.'"
"He's justifying drinking the beer, because he's a Jehovah's Witness now."
"Yah, well anyway, after dad finished his story, I told him I was going for a drive. I drove by the house. Ron wasn't home. Not wanting to run into him, I hurried in, picked up my pills and ran out.
"I drove for a while wanting someone to talk to; someone, anyone who would talk me out of what I was going to do. I didn't have your number and I couldn't think of how to get a hold of you. And at that point, I didn't think you'd care anymore than anyone else did. I felt so disconnected. Then I remembered an ad on TV about a suicide prevention hotline. There was a pay phone next to a convenience store. I stopped, looked up suicide prevention and dialed.
"I got a recording. It asked for the number I was calling from and promised someone would call me right back. I waited in the dark, by that pay phone for 20 minutes."
"Disgusted, I remember thinking, ‘That's it!' I picked up the receiver and pounded it down. Then went into the store, bought a Dr. Pepper and downed all the pills. I knew I had about twenty to thirty minutes before I passed out. I drove around trying to figure out where to leave my body. My biggest fear was that a kid would find it. Then it occurred to me that Ron deserved to wake up with a dead body...so I drove home.
~ ~ ~
Pages 22 - 25
‘In the hospital.'
‘Do you know why you are here?'
‘Are you going to try to it again?'
"‘No. It obviously didn't work, so why should I try again?' The doctor left after encouraging me to get counseling. Then Ron rushed in with a file from home. Without saying ‘hello' or ‘how are you?', he thrust a stack of papers in my face. Holding out a pen he said, ‘You have to sign these now.' It was April 15th.
"I signed the forms.‘Your dad's on the way. Don't go back to the house, I don't want you there.' I didn't know it then but while I was unconscious, Ron took my check book, credit cards, cash, and the keys to my car and the house. He didn't tell me. The only thing left in my purse was my driver's license. I was too empty to care.
~ ~ ~
"So now you are up to date. Dad will be back in a little while to check me out."
"I'm so sorry you're hurting."
"Mummy, I feel like I'm such a failure. A few days ago I wrecked the car, wrecked me and now wrecked my marriage. No matter what I do, it isn't right. It's not enough. I couldn't make it work with Ron. I can't seem to do anything right no matter how hard I try. I couldn't even kill myself and get it right."
We had not been close for several years and I knew that what I was about to suggest might not be what she wanted to hear. "Honey, I know this is probably the worst you've ever felt. What's happening to you is awful. Would you please consider coming to Colorado and staying with me for a while? Let me take care of you." I hurried on, "I've discovered something amazing over the last year and I know if we use what I've learned, you can be happy again."
"I don't know if I can. I've got a job."
"Please Jessica, ask for a leave of absence. Tell them that you need the time, that it's a medical emergency. Please Jess, say you'll come stay with me, if only for a week."
The relief I felt was amazing. "I promise, I'll take care of you. Don't worry about a thing. All you have to do is call work and ask for a leave of absence. I don't want you traveling alone, so I'm going make some arrangements to get you out here. I'd come myself, but you know your dad. Is it okay that your sister come to get you and drive you out, while I get things ready for you here?"
~ ~ ~
Like walking on egg-shells, I softly begged Jessica to come to me. From some of the things that happened shortly after her wedding, I thought that she might not. I'd asked her to stay for a week, only because I didn't think she'd stay longer. I wasn't sure she liked me anymore, but her other choice was sleeping on her dad's couch.
I hadn't gone into detail about my discovery and the effect it had on destructive emotions. I doubted that, in her current mental state, it would make much of an impression. From our conversation, I felt she was so hurt, so battered by life, that she would be unable to process the information.
She didn't know that I'd made a breakthrough in the field of mental health. In my practice, life-long, painful emotions were being totally eliminated within minutes. The result of each session was mental and emotional peace of mind. Under all the emotional goo we've collected through the years is peace. One of the beauties of the technique was that once erased, an emotion will not return to haunt the client's day-to-day life.
~ ~ ~
Actively interested in anything that would help a client heal, the previous year I'd flown to a seminar. I met Dr. Scott Walker and saw a demonstration of his discovery, Neuro-Emotional Technique. To work, the technique required the assistance of a practitioner.
Walker's inspiration came, much like mine, the putting together of disjointed pieces of information. In my case, I was sitting in another airplane, reading The Body Electric. The book described the effect an experiment had on the nervous system of salamanders. What I learned was that salamanders were used by scientist in experiments because their shoulders and hips meet the spine much like a humans. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the acupuncture meridian chart, I'd put on my tray. Then my eyes focused on the hand with all it's acupuncture points. Seeing the chart and reading about the electrical nature of our bodies, I began to wonder if a patient could do an emotional clearing technique on themselves, without the need of assistance.
~ ~ ~
Working with students and clients, I observed that we seem to freeze both emotionally and mentally when we first experience a destructive emotion. It's as if it's a shock to our system. We appear not to be mature emotionally and mentally in situations that repeat that particular emotion. It seems that it's just in that one particular area of life that immaturity occurs. Before we remove the emotion, we are oblivious to our immature thought process. You may have noticed that some of Jessica's choice of words and viewpoint were immature for her age. As the sessions erased her pain, her language and outlook matured.
Over the next several months, my new technique took form. I called it Mind Wiping. It literally wipes the subconscious mind of negative, destructive emotions. The beauty of Mind Wiping is that it's easy to learn, almost effortless to do, gives fast, permanent results, we do it on ourselves and it can be easily taught to others.
Once you learn how to do Mind Wiping, you can:
- Do it on yourself,
- Have someone guide you through the steps, or
- Guide another through the steps so they can have relief.
It works the same for children as it does adults...and it always works. If you are helping someone else by using Mind Wiping, it doesn't matter whether you're in their presence or on the phone. Their damaging emotions will leave and never return.
Because I knew our mother-daughter relationship had deteriorated to almost non-existence, I promised Jessica that I'd "treat" her as if she were a client. I'd not asked her to do anything except walk across the street to the office once a day and let me work with her for an hour. I promised I'd not make her uncomfortable or give her advice or try in any way to interfere with her life.
I also promised that she would be totally happy before she left. I was secretly hoping she would not go back.
I was so relieved she'd agreed to come.
~ ~ ~
Pages 30 - 34
Remembering the End of Her First Session
I realized immediately that nothing hurt. I was amazed! I felt wonderful. Not one of those memories were hurting. I distinctly remember I sighed so loud that mom laughed. The most relief was incredible. Mom said that none of the emotions would come back. I remember that I looked at her and said in my most disgusted-at-the-world voice, "Great! Now what can I bitch about?" and laughed. It was strange to feel myself laughing; like my laughter was rusty from disuse. I hadn't been able do it in months. I felt free and light.
When mom asked me to try to feel "not wanted", I couldn't do it. The emotion was completely gone. I couldn't think of how one would feel if they felt "not wanted". At the same time, I knew that I used to feel that. It was strange. Then she asked me to feel, "not a part of", that was gone too.
Had it not happened to me, I don't think I would have believed it possible to erase so much pain in so short a time. Yes, my first session took an hour, but putting it into prospective, it took me years to place all those bad feelings inside.
I remember that on the way back to mom's, I had the realization that, for the first time in my life, I could think clearly without filtering it through pain. It was wonderful. I so wanted it to last. It did!
Remembering That Day
I remember that Jessica's smile was from ear to ear that first day. She wanted to stay; eager to do more. I told her we'd do more in the morning, that for now to just enjoy feeling good about life.
When I opened the door to the apartment that same evening, the first thing I heard was Jessica singing to herself. At that moment, after all the pain she suffered, I was so thankful that I was the one who gave her happiness.
~ ~ ~
We made peace with each other by the end of the third session. For the next few days, she continued to shed her pain. However, I don't think that I'll ever forget the unsureness in her voice as she humbly asked on her sixth day, if she could stay another week.
At that moment, I realized we still had a long way to go. It was obvious that I still wasn't good at communication. I'd automatically assumed that she knew she was welcome to stay as long as she liked; that she didn't even have to ask. I didn't like it that a daughter of mine hadn't the confidence to know she'd be welcomed back home. I let her know that I was in no hurry for her to leave, she could stay permanently.
At the end of her second week, she decided to return to California. She went back, quit her job, packed her van, and drove back. She was moving in! I was ecstatic!
As she grew stronger, we started working as a team; developing other techniques to become the science we now call BioTurn Therapy. It's been nearly seventeen years since Jessica came back to life.
~ ~ ~
What Mind Wiping Does & Does Not Do
Emotions are not set in stone. With Mind Wiping, you will experience for yourself just how easily negative emotions can be wiped out of your life. The best part is that underneath all the miserable emotions is peace of mind.
An unresolved, adverse emotion left untreated, will cause chronic emotional stress, physical illness, mental confusion, and the manifestation of one unpleasant situation after another.
Chronic emotional stress is an accumulation of specific responses by the body and mind to a stimulus, such as fear or pain or feeling abandoned. The emotions disturb normal survival equilibrium. One of our problems as humans is that, from infancy on, we automatically, unconsciously store all the stressful situations we experience.
Each time we trace back to the first occurrence of a painful emotion, we find a situation in which we did not get what we wanted and we felt we were not the one in control of the outcome.
Just think on the control factor of the equation for a moment; that's where most people want to argue with me. "Nah, I wasn't thinking about being in control. Control had nothing to do with it."
And, my response would be, "If you were in total control of everything that happened to you, wouldn't you have arranged to get what you wanted? Of course, you would, so would I. It stands to reason, that if you didn't get what you wanted, you in some way felt you were not in control of the outcome. Your unconscious decision causes a destructive emotional response."
Most of our memories and feelings are like forgotten, unlabeled files in a computer. Although consciously forgotten, the subconscious continues to remember and use the data stored there. The subconscious memories cause an automatic over reaction to new, slightly similar incidents. Tying one incident to another, we reinforce and attract even more similar incidents; only the incidents seem to get worse. Eventually, good things stop happening to us and our reactions are twisted out of proportion by our past.
At times, we end up reacting to the internal emotional script instead of what is real.
As more incidents occur, the more buried we become. Left unchecked, we become like Jessica, living in an almost insurmountable "emotional goo"; making it practically impossible to think clearly and make good decisions.
What Mind Wiping Does
Mind Wiping will totally erase ALL adverse emotions. When done correctly, those emotions will never return. It can be used to erase one emotional charge at a time or an entire life-time of painful emotions.
Emotions that cause cloudy thinking can cause mistakes, bad decisions and misdirection. With Mind Wiping, we are no longer deceived by our emotions. We no longer react without thinking. We act in a manner that will result in happy, long term results.
In Jessica's case, we did not eliminate all her emotional problems in that first session. We erased a life-time of emotional pain, but it was only two emotions. She had many more sessions.
What Mind Wiping Does NOT Do
Mind Wiping does not erase the memory of the situation. However, if or when you do think of the event, you won't feel it as you did in the past. It'll be more like "Oh, well, it happened, it sucked, but it's no big deal".
Memory is different than emotion. Memory is the result of decisions we've made. See Chapter 11 BioTurn Therapy for how we erase those decisions that cause us pain.
Because emotions cloud clear thinking, we use Mind Wiping at the beginning of all sessions and teach our clients how to use it on themselves between sessions.